When I was a teenager, I loved Hello Kitty. Even though I knew I was too old for her, the older I became, the more I loved her. Until, one day, I found a perveyor of cuteness to rival Hello Kitty's maker, Sanrio. San-X is a Japanese stationery and toy company whose characters each have a bizarre biography provided on their website. It’s as if San-X has anticipated my need for a kitten burger, a shimmying soybean, a dog named Petite Wanko, and a burnt muffin drunk on milk.

I can’t read Japanese—and the ecstatic use of English on Japanese product packaging has always fascinated. The English-translated version of San-X's website, now under construction, is no exception. (Pandy Happy: What do you have in your hands? Enjoy? Happy?)The English refers, in awkward strokes, to something untranslatably kawaii-- something literally too cute for words. Forget love and music, cuteness may just be the universal language.

Though one could feel guilty about consuming more paper, more plastic, more junk, becoming a collector of, say, Chestnut Boy, the iconography of San-X celebrates the simplest pleasures, the regimes of infancy-- eating, taking baths and naps. The satisfaction is in the presence of the good mother, who seems embodied in the stories of these simple, round little beings. The new Relax Bear is a boneless slump of love. Watch him drool over pancakes, watch him drool while napping, watch him listen to his walkman. He wears a bear suit, poses for his little bear friend who draws him, and occasionally spoons with him while napping.

If the good mother is present here, so is the bad. Beer Chan guzzles while her baby cries for more beer. There is a sadistic joy to kawaii, and San-X seems to know this-- take Buru-Buru, the the pathetic, trembling dog who is terrified of even a ladybug. His fear is adorable! Delicious! It's no wonder this stuff makes me feel like the devouring mother, as much of the San-X pantheon is based on anthropomorphized food.Take, for instance, Mr. Sushi rice, the post modern kawaii character, alone in his bowl, the last of his kind!

Or Kogepan, the burnt muffin with an inferiority complex. Mamepyon, the soybean family, shake themselves out of their pods. And most squee of all are the Nyanko products-- kittens posing as food, kittens on a bun, kittens batter-fried, kittens rolling each other into dim sum. Every time I watch the Nyanko flash narratives, I turn into the insatiable fairy-tale witch, poking at young tender things to see if they are done-- I'm going to eat you up! Consumer desire laid bare by a couple of nyanko nuggets and their plush sauces.

Despite my resistance to buying random stuff, I have to admit these objects fill me with something beyond consumerist glee. Do I need another note pad printed with an image of a hydrochephalic nut? Another “zipper buddy” featuring Algae Boy? Of course I do.

But what's more-- I need to identify with them somehow. Sure, I love them all, but which is my favorite? I'm not alone-- there are fan sites for each of the San-X characters, some fans archive their existence even after their particular favorite has been discontinued. Take Magic Usagi, or Little Bunny Feet, discontinued in 2003. From the fan site:

Magical Usagi-Chan is a discontinued character from San-x . She was released in September,2002. Magic-chan has two friends, Magical Kuma-chan, and Big Owl Teacher. Magic Usa's favorite food is the strawberry, and she leads her first-grade class at magic school. She loves to fly, she is all about love, her associate color is peachy pink. Magical Kuma-chan, is associated with mischief. Kuma-chan is very proud and loves to fly moreso than Magic Usagi, his associate color is a nice shade of baby blue. Big Owl Teacher is the professor at magic school, he teaches the little magic-workers spells and charms, Magical Usagi is his chief pupil. According to san-X he has a very warm heart(?). More to come!

There is a kind of poetic animism to the San-X mythology. Creatures are created out of sensations, out of simple phenomena: the little spicy chan, found in hot tea or kimchi. Momo—the Pink panda born of a peach who, with a lizard, acts as a guide to a hot springs. Chokot lives in the faucet. Mil was born of a milk droplet-- his flash narrative is a lullaby of the good breast. There's also the Manichean/Fruedian nightmare of Chupakun-- a breast/baby and its nursemaid bears struggling with overpopulation.

In a post apocalyptic world, the San-X pantheon will be called on for purposes of divintation—if they’re not already. Mark my words. Some wise souls already use the Hello Kitty Tarot for guidance. Can San-X glyphs be far behind?